Home » Just a Little Rubbish » I Was an April Fool!…And Other Crap

I Was an April Fool!…And Other Crap

Phew! I made it!

I haven’t been able to to visit any blogs to read, or to really write any of my own as April has been awash with craziness around my home. There has been so much to write about…you know what I mean if you’ve been watching the news or your car is still missing. Did you check the closest river?

Okay, so let me forewarn you… Possibly OFFENSIVE RANT AHEAD!! Please, I’ve warned you. I have a big bitch ahead. Fueled by illness, world news, and events that happened right here within a stone’s through from my home. (And the fact that I can do little about anything!) I have things to comment on, complain about, and rage over. This blog welcomes comments at the end. But this is my opinion and I realize it does not reflect the opinions of my fellow Americans. Therefore, I will not engage in disputes. Here I am, spelling mistakes and all.

Well, it seems April played me for a fool all month! It started out with a cold that never ended. More than 10 days later, I found out that I am allergic to Easter Lilies. I was shocked, but recollected that, despite my age, I’ve never had an Easter Lily in my home prior to this for more than a day or two. You see, my sister is fond of lilies. Even named her daughter, Lily, after the flower. I have purchased them as gifts for her a few times in our lives, but never had one in my house for very long, and surely, never one in full bloom. I suffered long and hard; never suspecting the pretty-smelling, lovely-looking culprit was unintentionally poisoning me. Probably only hours shy of a hospital visit…I have allergic asthma, you see…We went through everything we changed or did different in the house within a couple weeks prior. In the end, it came down to the lovely lily which a neighbor gave my Mom for Easter. We took the culprit outside and in a couple hours my sinus passages cleared and my burning esophagus cooled.

Yikes! I looked it up online and found that Easter Lily allergies can kill people. Wow! Okay, lucky me. So the little bell sat outside for nearly 2 days until huge winds picked up and cold rain started to fall. I’m a sucker for a living thing, so I brought it back into the house and my mom put it in the laundry room and closed the door. The last flower on it was dying, so she plucked it off. We still have the greenery but the flowers are gone and I feel better. I did find though, that Easter Lilies, among other lilies, can be made safe if you cut the stem out of the center. It’s the part that makes the scent that causes the allergy. So, just FYI…be vigilant.

So the whole cold, then allergy thing turned into a 12 or 13 day event. Next, I got an intestinal virus. Not that you want to know that, but it came right after that awkward moment in the month that cause some of us ladies to be sicker than we’d like to, to begin with. Well, that last about 5-6 days with bouts of upset stomach, constipation, bloating. Like I hadn’t had enough already. And, not like you really wanted to know all that either. I know…TMI, Wanda…TMI.

But you get the drift. I had so much planned for April, and I’m pissed that Momma Nature played tricks on me all month. Oh, then there were those torrential rains that flooded everything. I can count my blessings on that one. My part of town is not in a flood zone. Many of my friends and acquaintances lost stuff in their basements: rugs furniture, collectibles. Furnaces were affected. But some people I know lost everything, not just their basements & items. A couple people I know couldn’t even find the hoods of their cars through the water. I pray things turn out well for them.

Oh, then there was those two psychos in Boston. One of whom now is being protected from the citizens and his just due by our government. He killed an eight year old and blew the limbs off a six year old, killed three women, and injured 200. But he has rights. He has no right. I say let the punishment fit the crime. Do you hear me, Obama! Kill that bastard. Our prisons are way too good for him. They have to be “the life” because they’re full of sorry ass bastards that should be fighting for their freedom, and righting their wrongs, over on foreign soil. How about, if we end up in a war with that freaking idiot in Iran, or that even bigger smarty-pants over in North Korea…we send that Boston Bombing bastard over there in the front lines along with the rest of the scum in prison?

Oh, yes, I am especially fond of that smarty-pants in North Korea… I’d like to pull Junior’s pants down and spank his friggin’ ass like his Momma should have!

Anyway, I have never been so disappointed in my government until they gave that Boston terrorist, monster, the “right to remain silent.” OMG, Becky, look at that jellyfish backbone. Oh, I know, let us show the rest of the world…for the millionth time since WWI…just how merciful we are. Hell, I am not merciful. I wish the government would let me put my hands on that fiend…and his stupid-talking, uneducated mother who I detest with my very being. I would have no problem nailing their hands to a table top to get them to talk… At least it would be some restitution to those of us who are not so forgiving.

I know, I know. Well, I actually had a very smart…um…psychic?…a long time back tell me that she believes I was an executioner in some other live(s). I agree 100% – and so would many of my friends. I’d have no problems torturing the truth out of terrorists and those who commit treason. I think the CIA should call me. I can help you.

Let’s move on. I don’t wish to linger on that last subject because there is no room for debate on my blog. I feel how I feel. That will never change. How about we talk guns?

I am a gun possessor. Hellz, I grew up in Texas and everyone there, especially outside of large cities, carry guns or rifles in their vehicles. It’s nothing to me, I grew up that way. No, no, my stepfather never shot anyone with his .22 or 30/30. And if he ever had a notion to, he never told us. It was nothing for my 16 yr old neighbor to ride into town in his Daddy’s pickup truck to get gas, rifle rack hung inside over the back window carrying a rifle or two…or three. I still don’t care.

I have a gun. It’s registered, albeit in Texas. Yes, I’m a bad girl, the gun is not Illinois registered, but at least it’s registered. It had been in a box, buried in a closet for years, then one day I stumbled across it and pulled it out. I only found it less than a year ago, and I have intentions on registering it in Illinois. However, there seems to be plans to move back home to Texas. So it’s registered there. I can shoot perpetrators or wild beasts legally. LOL! Surely, I jest.

The pistol fell to me upon my stepfather’s death and I have no problem brandishing it should I be forced to. But to shoot someone with it – you ask? This is how I feel. When under duress, don’t pull a gun on another person unless you plan to use it. Why? Because you might lose it, and have your own gun turned on you. Don’t hesitate. Think before you draw your firearm.

So am I for or against guns? You’re pushing me, aren’t you? I am for the right of the good people of these United States to defend themselves against the trash of the world when it comes to our property and life. I believe we have the right to defend our livestock and carrot crops from wild boars, coyotes, and even rabbits. My stepfather was a farmer, I grew up in rural Texas, living off our crops and livestock, trading and farmer’s markets for years. My stepfather, his brothers and neighbors had a right to carry and brandish firearms to protect themselves and their spoils from wild critters and thieves.

He had a right to protect his truck, his tractor, the hay in his barn that he sweated to cultivate under the 130 degree Texas sun. He had a right to protect his house, the 1/2 acre it sat on, the chickens in the yard and the wife and child inside, and the state of Texas never denied him that right. Would he have killed a man to protect all that? Damned straight.

Now, what about city folk? I do not feel that even the good people in Houston, Chicago, LA, New York, Boston, or the small town where I grew up, should be walking around town with a firearm strapped to their waste, under their arm, or up their skirt, unless they are law enforcement. This isn’t the wild west. I do however, believe people have the right to protect themselves from home invaders and murderers. Hell yes. If someone breaks into your house in Illinois, you should have the right to let loose on that garbage with whatever means necessary while your kids are sleeping upstairs. You don’t want a gun in your home? Okay, maybe you wouldn’t reach the gun in time. Or wouldn’t know what to do with it once you grabbed it. That’s wear firearms training comes in. A good idea, by the way. So, do you have a bat? A knife? A 2 x 4? Hey…let me tell you. Unless he catches me off guard in my sleep…which happens often to people and therefore weapons won’t do you any good anyway…I will bring that son of a bitch down if I can…Texas style.

I am for gun laws. I am for the states forcing gun owners to learn how to use guns. I feel it’s important, so as to shoot the perpetrator and not yourself in a sticky situation. I believe in criminal back ground checks. If you are a good person just wanting to protect your family and belongings that you work hard for…why don’t you want a back ground check?

Listen, people are always complaining the government’s infringing on their privacy. Who cares? I get so sick of it. If you have nothing to hide, why are you bitching? The head of the FBI could put a camera in my bathroom for all I care. Let them watch me shit and shower. All they’ll get a glimpse of is my cellulite and fat ass. They can stick a camera in my car, my back yard. They can tap my phone and whatever. I don’t care. People worry too much about shit that really is not happening and probably ever won’t.  And that’s a lot for me to admit to because deep down, I am a conspiracy theorist. But, let’s get real.

What I hate…Is the high cost of a movie ticket. Now that’s who we should be going after. You all have no problem paying $200 for a football game ticket to watch a bunch of idiots run around with diamond shaped, shit-colored ball. You can’t hardly pay your bills, but you’ll pay for that ticket to add to a football player’s $16 million dollar payroll, while denying your kids an e-reader, ice cream, and your time.

Yes, let’s go after the NFL the way we go after our government. We all hate people like Donald Trump…but not those bastard football players who get paid millions for nothing. And many of them stay in trouble. They aren’t out trying to change the lives of other people. They’re selfish. Like those movie makers.

Back to guns. Do I support groups like the NRA? I’m on the border with them. But the truth is, I’m not much of an organization trust-er. Period. Now onto criminals. Yes,them…No, they’re not going to do psych evaluations and back ground checks. Of course they’re not. Because they’re criminals you yang-yangs!… Lying, cheating, murdering, baby-killing, child-porn loving, illegal drug-making garbage ass wipes who shoot up 6-month old babies in cars. They blow the limbs off of 6-year olds and shoot down young Batman lovers. They annihilate 5 year olds while their learning ABCs and ruin the holidays. They drug and or/rape unsuspecting women…and sometimes men.

Then there’s those dick lovers. I hate women who will accept the price of dick over their own kids and then agree to beat, rape and murder their own kids for the price of a fuck from a piece of crap that’s too sorry to work. I hate them all. I hate drug dealers and serial killers, and stupid ass nosy neighbors who see shit and don’t report it. What kind of friggin’ human being are you? I know…a criminal protector. I would pull out my own illegal automatic machine gun (if I had one) and shoot that trash down in the street, laughing all the way to prison. Because I hate them all. I hate  child molesters, baby killers, rapists, illegal drug brewers, and people who hang out of street corners sponging off welfare mothers and don’t know how to pull their fucking pants up. Of course, I wouldn’t shoot the latter just because of their pants, unless they’re baby killers.

So with all that hatred, what sets me apart from those bitches? The fact that I will not pull out a gun and kill those ass holes in the street where they stand waiting for their next victim. That’s what. I can have 20 guns in my house, and never shoot at the beasts outside of the walls of my own home. I am not a killer. But I will shoot some dopey-ass jackass fool who tries to break into my home and steal from me or hurt my family. Oh, yeah… and my cat. You have to watch out for my cat because she’ll defend her pad against intruders. Even at 14 years old she’ll propel her fat ass through the air like a flying squirrel manning an army chopper and land on your face, gouge out those baby blues like they’re nothing but squishy jello balls. Yes, yes indeed.

So after this, what type of person do you think I am? I am a law-abiding, tax-paying, patriot who likes to eat fruit pies. I love my country, I love the my flag, and I love all our military persons putting their lives on the line for us. They are doing what they’re told to do, whether they personally agree or not. I can’t stand to hear anyone bashing our military men and women. They are victims of foreign wars and our government. How dare you! How dare unpatriotic pigs protest the funerals of our soldiers when they come home dead? Or protest the funerals or memorials of first responders who die in the line of duty?…Giving up their lives for the lives of us…us spineless jellyfishes with big mouths and fat asses.

Know what else I loathe? People who preach love and the “word of god,” then crucify homosexuals, non-Christians, and single mothers, among others. Shitless freaks.

Am I harmless? For the most part. I’d say 99%. But I dare say, I hope that last 1% is never tested for I am fiercely loyal to my closest friends and relatives and my nation, and I hope no ass hat ever tries to temp me.

Maybe some people think that “hate” is a strong word, but if one can love a person that mutilates a woman, shoots up a child watching Batman, or carries a grudge so uncalled for they can knock down two buildings and kill as many foreigners on American soil as Americans… then I don’t care about that person’s opinion.

This blog is probably unfinished. But there’s no need to beat a dead horse. Unless it’s blown the limbs off a six year old.

Thanks for reading; thanks for letting me vent.


5 thoughts on “I Was an April Fool!…And Other Crap

  1. Wow! What can I say? You said it all! This is the best post by anyone that I have read in awhile. In fact, it is so good that I’ll have to spread the link around so people can share and experience your words the way I just did.

    Way to go, girl!

    Blaze McRob


  2. Whew! I didn’t breath through that whole roller coaster ride. Go, girl–you tell ’em! Oh, and yes, I snorted/laughed out loud about the camera in the bathroom idea. As a sister-conspiracy theorist, it was damned funny. Welcome back, and glad that lily didn’t do more harm. Darned fauna…


    • Thanks for commenting, AR. LOL! I am glad you enjoyed the post! It is within my duties to entertain! And yes, imagine after all my life thus far, I just now found out about the lilies. I won’t be welcoming anymore of the deadly beauties into my house any time soon.


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