I’ve been attempting to write blogs over this last couple of weeks. But dang it! My mind is just too overloaded with topics, opinions, forethoughts, afterthoughts, and images. I am having so many issues at this time with the goings on in the world. I have to rant a little, or vent or something. I want to talk about how I feel. Maybe some people will be upset by this blog, some might agree, and maybe others will just come and read to critique my writing. Either way, I have things to say.
Now I am never one to be at a loss for non-fiction words. Meaning, I might be bewildered and bumfuzzled (I don’t think that’s an actual word but it’s an accurate description of how I feel), and even broken hearted over world news, but I am not usually at a loss for words regarding it.
When I write fiction, I sometimes write my characters into a corner, or a hole, but they usually do find their way out. I have gotten something that I can describe as “writer’s block” – although I’m not sure I totally believe in it, but I usually get my thoughts back. I get back on track and proceed, even if slowly, with the story. However, I have to admit, every now and then, I allow the weight of the world to infringe upon my focus. Sometimes I become too emotional to write a word on a news topic.
However, if I can muster the energy, I usually find myself weaving a poem or some fictitious tale centered on a headline or an emotion that waves over me due to the look on someone’s face captured on one of those world-famous photo shots.
Lately, however, I feel like I’m on meltdown. So much to write about, whether it be to blog about, or create fiction or poetry regarding. I feel helpless while I watch the heavy hand of Russia squeezing Ukraine. And while I write this blog, I may as well give my opinion on that… I hate Putin. So like me, love me or hate me now, it is how I feel. I would like nothing more than to see that idiot gone…Whatever it takes.
Next comes the weather. Once again – even after a tortuous and deadly winter, world round we are plagued by terrible weather. Recently, here in the U.S. many have come under attack by those black, swirling monsters that moan and groan, twisting and turning like ferocious cloud devils. They’re frightening beyond words. And when they strike, you need to be prepared. They don’t come with much warning, unlike hurricanes, tsunamis and snow blizzards. No, they just come down from the sky almost as if they have minds of their own and twist up anything in their path. I heard one once. I didn’t see it, but I heard the beast. It caused an immeasurable fear in me. I was a kid then and I think the monster that that child’s imagination drew up is still ingrained in me.
I am afraid of the Earth and its atmosphere for the first time in many years. However, being educated, I understand, to some degree, the way the Earth works. The way the weather works. The way the Earth moves beneath our feet. I try to downplay it to people I know who don’t understand Earth in the way I do. I say it so nonchalantly, “Hey, the Earth’s moving. It’s changing. It always has. It always will.”
I look at the Earth and the weather as doing their thing. I am a very spiritual person. I believe the Earth is a living, breathing entity. Yet I try to explain things to others I know only from a scientific point of view. Yet, in the same breath I’ll say, “It’s Mother Earth purging. Ridding herself of us.” I look at the Chicago headlines, I look at the bitter self-interest of Putin, I look at garbage dumps and steaming smokestacks spitting black smoke into the blue sky and I think, “The gods are making us pay.”
I have so much on my mind in my own personal world as well concerning friends, family, hard times, illness, let downs, and back stabbings. This adds to the weight of the world upon my shoulders. I cannot go through life without worrying about other people. It’s my nature to care about the people I do not know. The people in Ukraine, Philippines, Mississippi, or California. I just saw a blurb on TV about Mount St. Helens and I started fidgeting.
When I heard about what Hurricane Katrina had done to New Orleans, I was devastated and I cried tears as if I had lost someone I knew and loved. Jesus! I’ve never even been to New Orleans. But it’s a part of my place. My United States. Hurricane Sandy kept me glued to the phone and the computer as the storm bore down on the East coast and New York and other places. I was awake all night. I was sad as the streets filled with water. I was not angry at the hurricane. It can’t help it. It is a non-feeling entity. I was not angry at any god either. I was just heart-broken.
I am an emotional empath of sorts. This is how I’ve been my whole life. When the Twin Towers were destroyed, among other things, by a bunch of garbage, I was numb. I could not fathom any reason for the disaster and only tried to imagine what kind of sick, twisted, filthy beast would do such a thing. Osama Bin Laden and his group of hell-bound mindless mini-me’s were and are nothing but filth to me. I was not afraid of him. I just hated him and still do. There is no forgiveness for a man who preaches to others to die for some cause, then hides himself in caves and wherever else spineless asshats hide themselves when they cannot talk themselves into doing what they have convinced others to do. Oh, there are no virgins or heavenly place for Osama…Oh no. I just wish that they had cut off his head and impaled it on a stick. *shrugs*
When I hear about the women of the world being stoned and imprisoned for being raped…Now that’s something I have a lot to say on. Or being sold as a young girl to some old pig to be married. It makes me want to vomit. I want to set every man on fire in those countries. Listen to me you psychotic beasts!: You only torture women because you are weak. A weak person blames another for his faults. It’s not her fault your penis gets hard, it’s your fault because you are weak and cannot look away. And to the women of those countries I say: These men blame you because they are pathetic, they cannot resist temptation. Take up arms and take your stand and your rightful place as the head of the household.
I have a whole lot to say about the monsters of the world. I have my own monster list. It may not match those of my readers, but that’s okay. I am not here to compare monsters…some of who are in my own back yard. But mostly, they are somewhere else, far from me, but not totally unable to touch me.
People have their own concerns, like the government watching them. I know people who are possessed by this subject. And live and breathe it. I say, I don’t give an F if the government is watching. If they want to watch, let them watch. We have people starving and dying in the streets of the USA. Why should it be up to the government to protect them? Feed them? It should be up to us to do it. Donate food and clothing instead of throwing away things other people need like the stuff is unnecessary shit. But the stuff is necessary for someone.
But, no. We’re too concerned if the government is reading our emails to Grandma. Who cares? Take me for instance. I’m a writer. My life is all over the web. Well, so I guess the government and its employees are the only ones not allowed to read my work? If you put up a page on Facebook, anyone can see it. I’m more worried about people stealing my money and my identity and robbing me blind. I do not care if the government just scanned a resume I sent to a potential employer. That is time and energy wasted while fires burn, kids starve, and good people die for no reason.
But instead, we worry about our emails to Grandma. If you are not committing crimes, then why do you care? Besides, the government’s always been watching. If you are 16, 36, 66, or 116 years old…guess what, the governments always been watching you since the day you were born. Yes, why is everyone acting like this is new? Why? Because some asshat decided to attempt to be a hero by telling us what we already knew? *Yawn…next topic.*
I’m more concerned about child abuse, animal abuse and how well our troops are being treated in the field. I am broken by school shootings and bullies, and 12 year olds sexting and sending porn of themselves. I am awe struck – in a bad way- by priests molesting kids. I am worried about a family in Ukraine I know little about…and now, thanks to the selfish, power-hungry Putin, I may never meet. I do not care if the U.S. government is reading this blog. Good. Maybe they’ll enjoy it. Please feel free, U.S. Government, to leave a comment below! As for that matter…I hope the Russian Government is reading it too. Putin, feel free to explain your ruthless, selfish actions in the comments section below.
This is how I feel. Worrying about the government reading your public blog or your private email to your mistress is just hogwash. It’s something to distract you while even worse things go unnoticed by you.
So, there you have it. As you can see I am on emotional overload due to topics past and present. So many important matters, so little time, so little patience. I am glad I was able to vent a little on this blog post. But I know I am not the only blog writer who feels this way. Who has so much to write about but the topics are hard to approach, or you feel so sensitive regarding an issue. What do we write about? There’s so much going on. How can we focus on one thing while ignoring another?
As a writer and as a U.S. citizen, born right in Chicago, I have the privilege of writing what I want. Oh sure, some people won’t like it and maybe someday I’ll write a piece that might piss of my government, but they’ll all get over it. In the meantime, I will write what I know, and what I know is how I feel about things. I’ll write so that others in the world know that they are not alone. The world is watching. The people of the USA are watching. We care. We just stand frozen against the thought of taking a stand. The world is different now, since the days of Prohibition, or even Rosie the Riveter. It seems we stand to lose so much more if we voice our opinions. Yet again, maybe we’re just selfish even as we truly have nothing to lose.
I’ll keep on writing. I’ll write poetry about gods of old and about friends that come and go. I’ll write fiction about vampires and witches, and maybe cops and their criminals that dig holes and throw things in ditches. I’ll write blogs about the actions of governments or about writer’s block. I can post tidbits of my fiction in progress or post book reviews. I’ll write whatever the hell I want, and the governments of the world can continue reading whatever the hell they want…if they feel my blog is more important than what Putin is doing.
Thanks for reading!