What’s Been Happening With Me Lately

Greetings everyone,

I apologize, again, for seemingly taking a sebatical after my previous update. However, that is not the case. I had been ill over many months of 2025, and I had colon surgery November 7, 2025. I am feeling better after that, but it was an emotionally harrowing experience.. I have Specific Antibody Deficiency (Low IgG), more than likely caused by sepsis/post-sepsis Syndrome. So when I had a partial colon resection, I nearly lost my good sense because I was afraid infection might set in. I needed to have it done and I went through so many different emotions thinking I might get an infection. Well, it did not happen and I am so relieved and grateful. And now that the bad part of the colon which caused the sepsis is gone, I feel like I can rest a little easier.

As for the surgery itself, it was done laparascopically and easier to deal with. Including the day of surgery, I spent nearly five days in the hospital, and then came home to rest. I panicked the day after I got home, realizing I had this surgery and no medical personnel nearby. I ended up in the emergency room with symptoms of nothing. I also refused IV fluids and got nuts when I thought they would attach me to a bag. I had had all I could take at that point. It was not solely about the surgery and the hospital stay, but all I had been through, especially with IVIG infusions each month that take like 3-1/2 hours each time, plus so many times in the ED and with hospital admission over the previous 10 years, and HR at my employer is ruthless, heartless and cold. I don’t care if they see this either.

Anyway, upon this ED visit, they just added an IV line (I guess it’s called) so they could add a bag of fluids if I was going to be admitted. But they found ntohing wrong with me. I guess it was nerves and uncertainty. By the time I spent many hours in the ED, I decided to not panic again unless absolutely necessary and it’s also the day I realized that I really did not need a lot of pain meds. Afterwards thought, t6he healing process was hit and miss, and a learning experience: what to eat, what not to eat, runny stuff, constipation, very hungry, not hungry at all, pain, no pain, and where are my friends and family in my time of need? If it were not for my 90 year old mother, I would have been left to suffer alone. I don’t know what I would have done without her for at least the first 2-3 weeks of recovery.

So here I am, reaching February 7th, which will mark three months after the surgery and I am doing okay with only minor complaints. Sometimes I bring stuff on myself by doing too much and forgetting I had surgery, despite it being laparoscopic, and might try to lift something too heavy, or just move in the wrong way and cause a pain or bad feeling. I had to recognize when my body is saying its had enough. I have to remember that I do have a small abdominal incision as well. Plus, I suffer from diastatis recti which is probably hereditary and I have a small pre-existing umbilical hernia. So I have to remember to be careful.

I have not been able to get back to the health center for my Zumba class or the track, mostly because I did not feel ready, and with it being cold and flu season, I did not always feel safe due my immune deficiency. And, I should not fail to mention the weather. I am in the Chicagoland area and it has sucked pretty much since around Thanksgiving. Between the cold, snow, Specific Antibody Deficiency and healing from a colon resection, I was edgy, wrestless and bored a lot, but just had to wait it out. I think next week we’ll have better temperatures.

Since August 2025, I’ve been querying literary agents for the completed Storm Dwellers. And, I have completed two more rounds of editing and word elimination for the previously self-published Someday Always Comes. I was going to hire an editor for Someday but then the surgery happened and set me back. I am Working on Chicago Down and I have a deadline for myself to complete the first full draft by June. Can I do it? I don’t know. But one thing I do know is if it is not completed, I will celebrate the try and be happy with what I do complete as long as it is more than I have currently.

Thanks for reading.

Wanda

What Happened To Me?

I just wanted to touch base here for any readers who’ve been checking in on my posts.

Evidently I was ill for some time and didn’t realize it. Long story short I had an infection and ended up with sepsis. So I have not really posted on here since the first week of December, and that’s why.

I was hospitalized for four days, and then had to fight it at home. I had to get myself antibiotic infusions via PICC line. That was not fun having that thing in my arm for so many days, but we do what we have to to survive.

Anyway, I’m doing much better and feel like myself again. I hope to add some more excerpts and different things to my blog. I found some poems that I would like to add as well.

I’vebeen on sick leave since Dec. 11, and can return to work Jan. 2nd. Also, it’s back to the office for me beginning Jan. 2nd. I’ve been working from home since the start of the pandemic in March of 2020. The last couple years we’ve been on rotation also two times a year for approximately 2 weeks. But now we’re going back full time. I’m not looking forward to it. Not because it’s going into the office, but I don’t think they should have brought back all 200 of us at once. They should have slowly brought in smaller groups, group by group, to avoid disease and illness, and I really wish they would have waited closer to spring. We were actually supposed to still be on work from home until about June 2026.

So that’s what’s been up. Thanks for reading!

A New Look

Good day to you all.

I’m all too happy to admit how much my author/writer friends have, unknowingly, inspired me to not give up my craft.

Several times over the past couple of years, I’ve mentioned on Facebook how hard it’s become for me to write. Once upon a time, the words flowed like water to wine. Like rapids even. Then one day, they were seemingly gone. Dried up. It went beyond writer’s block. The words were just gone. It was so bad that I asked the doctor if I could be getting Alzheimer’s. I was lost.

But my hopes that the words would return to me were kept alive vicariously through others. I’d watch their progress, secretly cheering them on. Their words and the thrill of performing their craft were not lost. Quite the contrary.

Recently, I got very ill. And as I lay in my hospital bed the first week in January waiting for the cardiologist to tell me I had some terrible heart ailment (luckily and thankfully, my heart & arteries are as exquisite and tough as Ethan Hunt), I was also very lucky. Due to these terrifying circumstances, I had some time to go over the good old mistakes-made list. I got a chance to see what many others never get to. My heart appears healthy.  But no one knew that for sure at the time.

Alone in the middle of the night – hooked up to all sorts of scary, beeping shit – in an all too quiet room in the cardiac unit, perhaps dying at 46, I was scared shitless as this Scorpio held back her emotions.

Hell, if I died, I was not going out all dramatic like a pussy. Heck, no. I’m Scorpio. I rule death. And if She’s coming for me, she better have 40 silver fucking pitchforks.

Regardless of how worried this warrior pretended not to be, death nor sleep ever came.

At the top of my mistakes-made list was not the things that I thought would be there such as vacations I didn’t take, the kids I didn’t birth, or sorrow at fights with family members. Nothing about a Master’s degree, or the lottery, or all the sugar I’ve consumed in my lifetime. Not even apologies never spoken.

There were two things there. Two sorrows. They are: never loving in return the men that loved me; never giving them a chance. They DID love me. I know that now.

The next is: giving up on my writing for reasons truly unknown to me at the time. I was beaten into submission by me, but had no clue.

Some who know me chalked up the lost interest in writing to depression, sadness, anger, etc. All sorts of barriers. A couple of thrifty pals delegated it to my recent obsession with fixing my past. Or my desire to live there, which actually may have caused my sadness. Maybe they are correct. It was destroying me on many levels. Keeping me blind to all the good; allowing me to only see the bad. I was drowning.

I had no idea what was going on. Maybe I was blind on purpose. That happens, you know? I think I’ve been fighting my age. Maybe those who are older than I know what I mean.

So I enjoyed watching my writer friends. I think if there was no Internet,  I might not have had access to them and who knows where I’d be now. In what state of mind.

They are all winners. And despite that I wasn’t writing, they didn’t treat me any differently than they had years ago. They let me stay in the winner’s circle while, unknowingly, hanging on to me by threads.

I’ve been ill before and hospitalized. But never with something potentially life-threatening.  Life ending. For awhile I was like, “FTW? Figures.” But, while we’re still searching for answers, I’m very much alive. My mistakes-made list is changeable because I’m not dead yet. It’s changeable because I’ve seen others change directions many times.

Scorpio may rule death, but also rebirth. I’m reborn. It’s not time to return to the Underworld just yet. The gods have forced my eyes toward what I should see: the good. This goes beyond writing. It encompasses my spirituality and beliefs. It extends to who I know, where I live, as well as to my abilities of storytelling. My ancestors have given me a gift, and I’m still alive to use it. I should not abuse that.

My advice: do not fight the inevitable.  Change only what can certainly be moved. Let the rest go.

Thank you for reading.

-Wanda

The Crime of a Life Sentence (excerpt)

Hello there!

Please enjoy this excerpt from my book-in-progress of original poetry, tentatively titled The Crime of a Life Sentence. As mentioned in my previous blog, the publication dates of this work as well as the sequel to Someday Always Comes – The Devil Plays Dice – have been pushed into 2017. I am expecting to publish this particular book April 2017.

The poems in this book have been written over many, many years and when I post an excerpt some will have the original copyright dates.

(Please find the link to my previous blog below this post – I’ve inserted one and there’s the link back under this post if my link doesn’t work.)

 

CRYING AT MIDDAY

Crying at midday
I cannot find the right words to say
What I feel is lost

Staring into space
I recall another time with grace
What I feel is lost

My heart breaks in two
Heart bounded by the tragedy of you
What I feel is lost

I strive to not see
Myself and you surrounded by defeat
What I feel is lost

Copyright 2015 Wanda S. Paryla

 

FALLTIDE

Mysterious sounds creeping
While ravens call weeping
And wait on bare branch swaying

Triangle-eyed, round pumpkins smile wide
Cats use shadows to hide
Orange light seeping out bright

And crackling fires warm the eve
While crisp, crackles the leaves
Fall’s arrived; Winter’s nearby

Copyright 2013 Wanda S. Paryla

 

 

The Devil Plays Dice – excerpt