Enjoy your Thanksgiving, friends.
Today, I’m not looking back. I’ve had a 50/50 year. Plenty of things to be thankful for, and some that upset or frightened me.
But there’s so much that I’m looking forward to in 2016 and even 2017. I feel blessed even just for the possibilities.
I’ve learned a few hard lessons this year. But what I’m giving thanks for today is that, during 2015, I’ve learned to look forward and not back. Living in the past does nothing for us.
And on the same note, living for others does nothing for us either. When every decision we make is centered on how the opposite choice — the choice we really want — might anger or hurt someone else, we’re living to please others. Or to keep the peace. It is not a smart thing to do. It kills our spirit; causes anxiety and depression.
I’ve shucked that off. I have decided that I will not carry responsibilities that are not rightfully mine.
I cannot continue to be where I don’t want to be. And even though I do not like the geographical area in which I currently live, I’m not just talking about a place. I’m talking about a space. Sacred space in the head and heart.
My gift to myself is to let go. That’s my plan anyway. My agenda for 2016 is to move back to Texas and pursue a midlife career change teaching. That, my friends, scares the heck out of me. As some of you can probably attest, changing careers anytime after about 43 is excruciating, especially since often you’re absolutely new to the field.
I had planned to self-publish something new in Fall 2016. However, with all this activity going on — my full-time job complete with nearly 3 hours of round trip travel per day, working overtime, completing a teacher certification course, making moving plans, now the holidays — that part if my agenda has been pushed back. I’m still writing, just not at a pace that will afford finishing any novel complete with a professional edit and cover by Fall 2016.
In my spare time, which is very limited now due to my teacher courses, I’m working on putting together a book of original poetry tentatively titled The Crime of a Life Sentence. The book is put together so that by publication, each chapter will represent a decade of my life to date. My hope was to definitely put that out October or November 2016. I’m still trying.
2017 holds a great deal of promise for self-publishing for me. If I don’t get my poetry book out in 2016, it’ll be ready for for 2017. Also in 2017, I’m expecting to FINALLY! publish The Devil Plays Dice — the sequel to Someday Always Comes, as well another project.
My moving back to Texas wasn’t planned over months. One day in August, something aweful happened. My heart was broken. My feelings hurt. My anger spiked so high it would later land me at the physician’s office. And I’d had enough. I said, screw it. And after a couple of weeks of pondering and researching, I made a choice — right or wrong.
The hardest thing for me to work past was the idea that one person or another will get angry, hurt, or be sensitive to my choice in some other way and lash out at me, which usually happens anyway. I’ve readied myself if the shit hits the fan, and I’m ready to hold fast when that wall of negativity comes at me. It’s okay. I’m attempting this prison break, folks, no matter what.
And while I’m looking forward, to my new path, I want to thank my past for teaching me how to work in the present while looking ahead, and to stop living my life based on how someone else might, or will, feel about my choices because of how the choices might affect their life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Happy positive changes for us all.